Wednesday, January 09, 2008

My Mindset

I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I have been to my dad's house for a day and a half but other than that I have just been working around the house doing guy stuff like decking out the attic and installing a home theater. I am not trying to be anti-social, I'm just decompressing right now. The holidays came and went and I didn't get all caught up in it. Other than watching a pile of college football it could have been any other time of the year for me. One of the only people to contact me that I really wanted to see was Fritz but he and I missed each other. He was nearby and we missed becuase of my trip to see my dad. Oh well, that is how it goes.
I know that some guys get all gregarious and want to see and hang out with everyone, some want total solitude and some try to pretend that they were never gone. I know that I am doing just what I need to do. I am thinking less and less each day about the sand box and am trying to be a regular guy. My son's Karate instructors have asked when or if I will go back and I just give a non committal shrug and say, "I don't know." I really don't know but right now I really don't want to.
There are some class A a$$holes over there on the civilian side. Some of the Quality Assurance reps (QARs) for the DCMA (Defense Contract Management Agency) make it a point of contention that they WILL find you doing something wrong and you will be punished. It's not enough that we had a gaggle of retired Generals to deal with who were only interested in making the place a retirement community for their retired buddies; we also had our own employees who had this stateside sense of entitlement (Be careful not to hurt their feelings!), the various government agencies we worked for, and the client (DCMA), but we also were in an active war zone. We had Haji to worry about too. There are some days I wake up and know that no matter what I have scheduled for today it will never be as mentally tasking as what I have been through. I also know that I damn sure don't miss it right now.
Some of the guys who have come back say they miss it and want to go back. Maybe I will one day but right now I am enjoying doing the Seinfeld thing. Nothing.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It wasn't the job and it sure as hell wasn't Iraq. What I missed were the people that I worked with. One does not miss 7 14's and the mental and physical exhaustion that all that entailed. But there were, in the group at CVN, some of the finest, most dedicated individuals I have ever worked with. To be sure, some of the white-hottest, flaming a-holes I have ever met were in that group as well, and the lack of support from the goof offs in corporate was discouraging.

Soon after I got back, I made up my mind that, although the experience was invaluable, it was time to get on with my life. And so I did. It takes a little time to get there, though, and after all of the time you have served, I suspect you'll need more decompression time to sort it out...and you will, to be sure, you will.

All in all, though, you have to admit that being state-side has its perks.

Hang in there, bro.

Vince

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could not have said it better Vince.
Give it time Bro it will come.
Just so you know Fritz has not changed one bit.He is still the conservitave little down to earth Guy with no sense of humour we both knew.
Big LOU

6:37 PM  
Anonymous Fritz said...

That it, let it out. All that built up frustration.

It's hard when the friends, neighbors and strangers come up to you and ask when your going back. You almost feel like your pulling your support away from the effort if you say your not going back. What makes it even harder is when the person (am most of them are this way) ask with the tone of respect in their voices. They do respect you for what you have done and they think your a different breed for doing what you have done (and you are!)but as time goes on it will get easier as Vince says.

You did a helluva job over there and there are people out there who will appreciate it and it can lead to a good opportunity for you and your family. Don't over think some of them when they come. I did and ended up letting them pass.

You got my number and it is only a 22 hour drive from there to here (I know as I just did it) and your welcome here anytime your ready. Just give me a days notice so I can dig up some worms so we can go fishin.

All the best.

12:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Fritzy

Have you ever gotten back to Amsterdam to sample those "oatmeal" muffins?

Vince

9:02 PM  
Anonymous Fritz said...

Vince,

Those were strawberry shortcake cakes - I think! Were damned good too! Sure good for the hearing ability.

Fritz

2:35 AM  

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