Friday, December 14, 2007

Ferengi Rules of Aqusition

There are 285 rules but I don't have them all. If anyone has any which are missing or even has a good one to add, feel free to do so. My favorite is # 211

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back.
2. The best deal is the one that brings the most profit
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity, or Never allow family to stand in the way of profit.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
11. Even if it's free, you can always buy it cheaper.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16. A deal is a deal.
17. A contract is a contract is a contract. But only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
23. Nothing is more important than your health. Except for your money.
27. There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother...Insult something he cares about instead.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. War is good for business.
35. Peace is good for business.
40. She can touch your lobes, but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Expand or die.
47. Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum. Treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep your lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65. Win or lose, there's always Hupyrian beetle snuff.
74. Knowledge equals profit.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies!
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die.
97. Enough... is never enough.
98. Every man has his price.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100-101. MISSING
102. Nature decays, but latinum is forever.
103. Sleep can interfere with...
104. Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
107-108. MISSING
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
110. Keep 10% of every transaction for yourself...just don't let your boss know about it
111. Treat people in your debt like family. Exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
114-120 MISSING
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125. You can't make a deal if you're dead.
126-138. MISSING
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
140. Lawyers should be killed.
141. Only fools pay retail.
142-143. MISSING
144. There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
145-161. MISSING
162. Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
163-167. MISSING
168. Whisper your way to success.
169-176. MISSING
177. Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
178-180. MISSING
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
182-188. MISSING
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
190. Hear all; trust nothing.
191. The most dangerous man is one who has no greed.
192. Never cheat a Klingon... unless you're sure you can get away with it.
193. You mother should be you best customer.
194. It's always good business to know about your customers before they walk in your door.
195. Fear will drive up profits..unless you are the one who is scared.
196. The government is the worst customer of all...avoid doing business with them unless they make you.
197-202 MISSING
202. The justification of profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-toothed Greeworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
204-207. MISSING
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
207-210. MISSING
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
212-213. MISSING
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
215-216 MISSING
217. You can't free a fish from water.
218. Always know what you're buying.
219-222. MISSING
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
224-228. MISSING
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
230-235. MISSING
236. You can't buy fate.
237-238. MISSING
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
238-241. MISSING
242. More is good... all is better.
243-254. MISSING
255. A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant, a necessity.
256-260. MISSING
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.262. MISSING
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum.
264-265. MISSING
266. When in doubt, lie.
267-283. MISSING
284. Deep down, everyone is a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.


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