Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Really Funny LOGCAP Story


I wish I had written this but did not. I know the guy that did and while I was reading this aI just about pissed myself laughing. It is so true that it is sad. I do know folks who were in theater for years and don't have a dime and then there is my sister's boyfriend who is so tight he could rub two pennies together and make Lincoln scream.


FUTURE NEWS STORY

THE TRAGEDY OF PKSD
Date: TBD 2010

Across the United States we are seeing an unexpected result of the Iraq War play out before our eyes.

Many brave, patriotic civilians went to Iraq as part of LOGCAP (Logistics Civilian Augmentation Program), and returned to what they thought would be a normal life back here in the States. However, many of these individuals have since been diagnosed with what is now known as Post-KBR Stress Disorder, or PKSD.

These individuals became addicted to high pay for nominal work, very often in jobs they were totally unqualified to perform; and when they returned to what is known as "the real world" they were unable to adjust. Many have refused to return to whatever jobs they had prior to their tour in Iraq, having given themselves the delusion that they actually were qualified for the positions they had graciously been given while there.

A great number of them have refused to work for fair wages in America after having been spoiled on the pay they received while working (or at least, filling out a timesheet) overseas..

This has caused great stress in many families as sufferers of PKSD have refused to assimilate back into the real world.

Many, for years, only saw their families when it was R&R, fun and vacation. Now they are having to deal with the problems that go along with normal life, and they refuse to do it. Another problem is that when they were home in a vacation frame of mind they had more than enough money to spend on every whim of themselves and the family. They spent money like the cash cow would never stop giving and did not adequately plan ahead. Now that they have refused to go back to work they are frustrated that what money they had saved is now gone and they now face financial devastation. Also, since they are no longer the great financial provider that they once were, it has led to marital problems, in many cases.

For some reason that is unclear until further research can be done, everyone who ever worked in water purification and returned home has turned gay. That's right, they have all become flamers. Researchers say it may take years of study to determine why this has occurred. They have ruled out the chemicals, and now believe it may be the long hours they spent alone together in the ROWPU units.

With the war over in Iraq and things winding down in Afghanistan there is no longer a great need for highly paid, unqualified people in the LOGCAP program.


Former Operations Coordinator for KBR



Many companies that hired KBR HSE Coordinators are still trying to do what they did in Iraq are facing OSHA fines, and some, loss of contracting license

This new phenomena has overwhelmed the mental health industry. But, since these individuals no longer have jobs they no longer have health insurance (unless they are still married and the spouse provides it), so most are SOL..

Most truck drivers from Iraq refuse to go back on the road, claiming it is boring without the threat of roadside bombs and small arms fire. Many more truck drivers could not adjust to not driving in a convoy without a military escort. Almost all say they will not renew their CDL.

The Food Service Industry in the United States is enforcing a total ban on individuals who worked in KBR DFACs due to liability issues. Insurance providers will no longer provide insurance to restaurants, grocery stores or food industry suppliers who employ former KBR employees. Although it has not been confirmed, there are many rumors that some former KBR Food Service personnel are secretly being employed in restaurants that specialize in Indian Cuisine.

Almost 100% of the KBR Security Coordinators who did try to return to work are now overrunning local Wal-Marts, Krispy Creams and Waffle Houses in order to find security jobs in close relation to their experience in Iraq. Many have found these locations to be too dangerous compared to the Indians and Pakistanis they are used to being able to boss around without fear of harm or confrontation. There appear to be no jobs in the US that will allow them to follow around real law enforcement and play cop as they have with US Security Forces (real police) in Iraq. Many spend their time sitting around watching Smokey and the Bandit trying to emulate Sherriff Buford T. Justice, very sad.

Firemen… ? This reporter would not even know where to begin.

And one Home Depot store which hired a former KBR Materials Manager had to close down within 3 months of his hire because of the massive mismanagement of inventory. When asked for a comment, the Store Manager said, "I can't @#$%^&* believe how @#$%^&* incompetent this (&}%^ guy is. We {"+=&% hired him with the @#$%^&* recommendation from his *&^% former *^%$#& employer, but he surely had to be a ("+}^% when he %$#*)+ worked for them, too. He %^&$# things up at light speed. I don't see how his former @#$%^& employer kept from getting slammed by the government." He had more to say about the man's Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, etc.

Many of the former KBR employees spend long hours at the local convenience stores talking to the Indians and Pakistanis who work there, seemingly trying to re-experience their days of job and financial security. A strange twist is that they will not go to work for a fair wage, but many will readily sweep and mop floors at the local 7/11 for a six pack of beer and the privilege of being able to hang around and bore the owner with their stories of Iraq . This is ironic since in their previous job the South Asians worked as their labor.

Recently, some of these PKSD sufferers caused an international incident. They pooled what little money they had and tried to start a rebellion in Tahiti, in hopes that the United States would intervene with the military and re-expand the LOGCAP program there. However, the poor fools ran out of money drinking in the bar the first night there.

The exception to this problem seems to be individuals who worked for KBR Medical. They are able to readjust on the street as if they never left. Many were smart and knew the well would dry up so they saved money for higher degrees in the medical field and are now making more than they did with KBR (even without up-lift).

An article authored by a KBR Medical person no doubt

5 Comments:

Blogger Wishwords said...

LMAO I read this to my husband, and it started one of those "I wonder if so-and-so managed to do all right" conversations we have once in a while. Thanks for posting this.

1:52 PM  
Blogger MK said...

LOL

Thanks for sharing that.

3:21 AM  
Anonymous Fritz said...

I think this is very funny in one sense while being sad but true in another. You could almost overlay this scenario with ARAMCO employees. Good posting.

Fritz

3:54 PM  
Blogger Charli said...

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9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one. Thanks!

7:19 PM  

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