Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Worst Nightmare Ever

The Worst Nightmare Ever
In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro,and I'm circumcised! Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver's license photo and it was that same color. Black.
I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!! That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud 'This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.
''It's the pure and holy truth', whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed!!! I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Oh, my, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!
Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo...I'm bald!!! The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, 'Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap... Any job.

Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan! I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it.
Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker.... Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, 'Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heart throb, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? Hillary or Obama??? Say it isn't so!!! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish queer on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please, oh dear God, please don't tell me I'm a Democrat too....
Thanks to Mighty Fine Dodge for this heartwarming reminder of how good we all really have it. Other than the circumcised part I am none of the above. If this offends anyone I'm sorry. It is just a funny story and we all have to get over being too PC.
Just two weeks ago my sister took me to see the stage production of Tuna Christmas. This is a series of stage plays about a fictitious town in Texas named Tuna and they hold nothing back. Why this time they even made fun of Methodists! That I am!


Post a Comment

<< Home

View My Profile